Entries for March, 2004March 1st, 2004
musings on suspended classes...and then some.
today, at about 12 pm, our classes were suspended. you'd think, "hey! nice!" right? wrong. it was hot, humid, sticky, and most of our rides were late. it was just fine, if you asked me since we didn't get to have CL class...(poor kla  ) teehee... and we missed music class too. tsk. tsk. sad, really  no, really! i sorta like music....  also...one of the cons of having classes suspended is that i didn't get to meet with joven. we said we would bond today, and we'd been planning it for weeks...and....*sigh* oh well...(NOTE TO paMEla:shhhh........  )
+++
i just realized that we only have 17 days 'til classes end. and that includes the periodical exams week....i don't really know what to feel.  sure, vacations are ALWAYS nice. and i mean ALWAYS!  since you don't have to wake up early to go to school, wear those hot & itchy uniforms, fight the rush once the dismissal bell rings, get irritated when your bus comes late. rush to meet deadlines for requirements, you know what i mean!  but then....looking at the other side...you don't really get to meet your friends.  that statement says a lot for me, since i'm not really the type of person who craves a friend's comapny 24/7. but...there are these persons that are really getting close to my heart, right now. even though it seems a bit late. few of these are: joyce/elfal00.(my seatmate and "ka-0n"), bena, sev, guada, pam, misa, romero, macky, frances....there are WAY too many people to mention. the thought of vacation just scares me, since, some of the people mentioned here and not, are my first-time classmates. i mean, we've spent almost 10 years in st. paul, and it's just he first time our paths have crossed. (amazing, i know. ) and you get to know these people, get to build a relationship with them, and then vacation comes too soon and it comes to take them away. i mean, based from experience, new-found friendships don't often last very long. heck, some of them don't even endure the summer! sure...you greet each other when you meet in corridors, but that's just not the same with getting to converse with them, play with them, kid around with them, everyday. *sigh* i guees what i'm just trying to say is that i just hope everything lasts, since these new friendships are new, yet TRULY treasured in my life. and i'd do everything to keep them close to my heart,a nd i close to them.
+++
also one thing i'm fearing when the summer comes, is that one of my very bestest friends is leaving. joven is leaving for the U S of A....*sigh* i know...we'll always be friends, we'll probably keep on mailing each other and stuff, but things aren't just the same.
*shrug*  i don't really believe in that saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' (did i get that right?) that's cuz...whatever anyone does, ABSENCE and DISTANCE will ALWAYS, and i mean, ALWAYS be there. it will always be there to drive people apart, and there are sut a few isolated cases in which relationships DO survive and grow stronger. i'm afraid that distance might cause jov and i to grow apart. *sigh* i'll miss you, joven. VERY MUCH but then...as much as i don't want you to go, i must. i know you really really miss your mom and dad, and it's high time for you to be reunited. it's for the best of us all...hey, maybe we'll meet again someday. and we will, i'm pretty sure of that. i'll be sure to visit you when i grow up and am already a succesful woman, have kids with a certain someone, and stuf. o0o0o0ps. i've begun rambling. guess this is the end of this...'til next time.
[ 2 now for ruin ]
••••••••••
personality quiz.
Big 30 Test Results
Sociability ||||||||||||||| 50%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Activity Level ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Enthusiasm ||||||||||||||| 50%
Extroversion |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Trust ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Morality ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Altruism |||||||||||| 38%
Cooperation |||||||||||| 38%
Modesty ||||||||||||||| 42%
Sympathy ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Friendliness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Confidence |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Neatness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Dutifulness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Achievement ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Self-Discipline ||||||||||||||| 46%
Cautiousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Orderliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Volatility |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Depression ||||||||| 30%
Self-Consciousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Vulnerability ||||||||| 30%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 44%
Imagination ||||||||||||||| 50%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Introspection |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Liberalism ||||||||||||||| 42%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||| 56%
[ now for wrath ]
••••••••••March 12th, 2004
ho-hum...
this journal is getting quite boring. i mean, i don't even know what to write in it anymore! *sigh* 
+++
pale skin.
shoulder length brown hair.
she laughs out loud
for all the world to hear,
for all the world to know her joy.
But the truth is written in her eyes.
only in her eyes.
beyond the glittering tiara
and the countless smiles,
lies a broken girl
who needs someone
to put her pieces back together.
[ now for wrath ]
••••••••••March 18th, 2004
dear grace...
dear grace,
hi! umm...what can i say? i'm at an absolute loss for words since this is such an unexpected surprise. unexpected, yes. but also welcome and longed-for. you don't know how long i've been waiting for you to talk to me, for us to be okay again. and i just h0pe...that this is the first step for us to be okay again.
how long has it been? 2 years? that's a REALLY long time...especially when we spent our childhood years being really close. i remember everything, grace. and i missed our times together, a lot. and i wish that we can...i'd love to say go back to the way we used to be but i know that can't be...not with all the years we have between us. i just hope we can be friends again. 
i'm sorry grace. for everything. for all the times i've hurt you by being s0 proud and not making up with you after we fought. now is wish i hadn't been like that. oh well...things can't be changed. but they can be undone, hopefully. again, i'm sorry. and thank you for everything -- for all the years of friendship we spent together. hope we can continue and add a ton more years to our collection!
missing you a lot,
patricia
[ now for wrath ]
••••••••••
something that keeps me going...
let me share with you an e-mail that pauline sent me that has touched my heart and has become a sort of "pillar" for all the friendships i hold dear. it is the reason that some of my friendships with people survive....sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me from burning bridges of friendship with some.
++++
Sand & Stone
A story tells that two friends were walking through
the desert.
During some point of the journey they had an argument,
and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without
saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath. The one who had
been slapped got stuck in the mire and started
drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote
on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best
friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you
write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied
"When someone hurts us we should write it down
in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But, when someone does something good for us, we must
engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love
them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Do not value the things you have in your life. But
value who you have in your life!
"Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Luke 6:31
[ now for wrath ]
••••••••••March 19th, 2004
BY HEART
Hold me close, baby please
Tell me anything but that you're gonna leave
As I kiss this fallen tear
I promise you I will be here
Until the stars fall from the sky
Until I find the reason why
And darling as the years go by
Until there's no tears left to cry
'Til the angels close my eyes
And even if we're worlds apart
I'll find my way back to you...
By heart
When you go, I'll stop the clock
I won't ever let this moment stop
Time is stealing you from me
But it can never take this memory
Until the stars fall from the sky
Until I find the reason why
And darling as the years go by
Until there's no tears left to cry
'Til the angels close my eyes
And even if we're worlds apart
I'll find my way back to you...
By heart.
Until the stars fall from the sky
Until I find the reason why
And darling as the years go by
Until there's no tears left to cry
'Til the angels close my eyes
And even if we're worlds apart
I'll find my way back to you...
By heart.
[ now for wrath ]
••••••••••March 22nd, 2004
*sigh*
i am s0o0o0o0o0o bored.....i mean, it's gotta show from all those quizzes i've been taking. i'm SICK. with a capital S-I-C-K....
someone save me?
[ 1 now for ruin ]
••••••••••March 23rd, 2004
all about aika
okay, first off, let me tell everyone that this entry is solely about my daughter-in-spirit Irene Calica. Or as y'all know her....aika. (insert side-view picture of aika, with a very far-away look in her eyes. very far away.)
i got the idea for this entry from the girl herself. see, i called her up a while ago because i was so bored, and nobody else picked up when i rang.  tee hee...(i'm joking, anak) i told her i was getting bored with my blogg-y...and i didn't knwo what to write and that conceited girl told me...write an entry all about me! *sigh*  and i did...or rather...i will....or i am....so here goes.
aika is my friend. she is nice. she gives me free food from their pre-school canteen. (you can also call it cafeteria..if you like.) she is my daughter. i am her mommy. (and i am talking like a first-grader.
 ) aika is very nice...very understanding. she's one of my friends who can listen to all my ranting and raving and never complain. although there was this one time i was singing John Jacob Dingleheimer Smith and she made me stop in exchange for our sitting on the stair steps.  but all's okay... 
aika is the kind of person who you can just sit and breathe with. when you're with her...you don't have to entertain her or yourself or do things just to be UN-bored. it seems that all you need to make you contented is her presence. (naks naman anak...tignan mo naman ang pagsipsip ko sayo dito ah!) it's that or...i'm just the kind of person who is happy with sitting still and watching the dust float. i like aika. and i hope that we can be friends always.
[ 5 now for ruin ]
••••••••••March 29th, 2004
musings: unrequited feelings
maybe we're meant to be.... or perhaps maybe we are.
but i know we are not.
i've seen the signs -- there are much too many signs for me to fight the odds and go on a head to head collision with fate. there is nothing there to keep me going on with these feelings of mine. everything has told me to give it all up and just walk away. walk away from you, and leave all these unrequited feelings of mine behind. and yet, i don't. despite of all the hurt i've been through and i experience everyday existing in your life and knowing i can never be with you, i have not yet lost all hope in the dream of US. although deep inside in the logical recesses of my being, i know there never will be.
and yet....i continue to walk on this path travelled by many hopeless, unrequited others like me.
friends of ours have always asked me why i just don't come right out and tell you how i really feel, how i've felt for quite some time now. they berate me for feeling this way, for suffering in silence when i can just tell you. you'll never meet again, they argue. maybe thye are right. but I know the answer why i don't tell you.
it is just not me. i don't think i have the courage in me to bare my soul and take out into the open everything i've kept hidden for so long. and besides....beign the hopelees romantic i am, i don't feel it is appropriate for me - being the girl and all, to make the first step, to take that leap of faith. maybe it's my catholic upbringing, or maybe it's my being filipina....i can't be certain. or maybe i'm just plain old-fashioned...i don't know.
all that i can be certain of right at this very moment is that i will forever keep suffering in silence, bearing everything with a quiet smile, unless of course you make that leap of faith and realize that i will be here to catch you and take your hand and we'll walk through things together. but of course, at the rate we're going, or at the rate we're NOT going...i'll probably keep suffering in silence FOREVER.
[ 2 now for ruin ]
••••••••••March 31st, 2004
FALL FOR YOU
There's a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
There you'll find the true condition of the heart
Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
And it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny
I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too
I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
Oh, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure
I've had every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny
Unto the mountain snow that melts into the stream
My heart goes like a river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love
[ 1 now for ruin ]
••••••••••
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