Entries for July, 2004

July 27th, 2004
what doesn't break us makes us stronger
bletz @ 10:13 AM
I find it ironic and just a little bit funny that what breaks us can also bring us together. Just like what makes us cry are the same things that make us laugh at the same time. This is such the case in today’s classroom events. Everyone was quite affected by the happenings during English period. Emotions were high as we were told truths that we didn’t know, nor did we want to.

But all truths shall be revealed at one point in time, no matter how hurtful they may be. So it went, the dreadful veracities revealed to II-7 in al their wounding splendor. A handful of us cried, unafraid of bringing to light their genuine sentiments. Others faced the matter with indifference, as though their antagonism could somehow change things, alter them to be the opposite of what they truly were. These people struggled against reality with apathy, only to lose the battle to tears later on – hot heavy tears, the kind that washes away hurt & anger and replaces them with acceptance & healing.

Acceptance & the path to healing, these stinging tears did bring. Later at recess time, the most delightful thing happened to II-7. More than half of the II-7 population was gathered at one side of the room, just chatting and snacking. Joining the circle, I witnessed it grow as more and more people came for the company. This occurrence is a rarity since I know for a fact that class unity cannot and has never been attained in a snap.
Certainly not in the first quarter. And yet, the universe, seemingly ignoring all its laws, found II-7 in a large circle on the floor, in each other’s company and enjoying it. Thoroughly. Laughing and telling stories, we were communing as a class. And there, I think can hardly come time when the feeling of fulfillment and pride that I experienced for II-7 at that precise moment can be rivaled. I believe and I fervently pray that that moment was the start of our union as a class. And I feel that despite causing us pain and aggravation, truths revealed that day may have the power to seal the bond of classmate-hood and bring us closer together than ever.

That which does not have the power to break us makes us stronger.
listening to Daughters by John Mayer
feeling contemplative
[ 1 now for ruin ]

July 30th, 2004
hanging by a thread.
bletz @ 03:36 PM
you cannot possibly feel what I feel for you right now. I miss you. It’s that simple. Well actually, no. it’s not simple. Not at all. I feel so much and can do only so little. I miss you. I miss the talks we shared, the million and one things you taught me. I miss the sarcasm and the witticism that came from your beautiful mind everyday, for almost 2 years. I miss your small hands and your beautiful hair. I miss everything about you. And I even thought I wouldn’t miss those little things that make you….I didn’t think I’d have to. But I do.

i remember the time when I felt like ending it all. ending Us and what we mean to each other. Thing’s were getting hazy and blurred more and more every day. You were changing and so was i. but I struggled. persisted. to understand…the predicaments you were in. I tried to understand You. I tried so hard to make it work, since I told myself that one of the most important relationships in my life did not deserve to be ended that way. It did not deserve to be ended at all. WE, what we had did not deserve to be ended in such an uncouth manner. So I WORKED to bring the old us back….the OLD US when it was just you and me, and the world that only WE inhabited. I tried and failed miserably. I was hurting so much because of the things that were threatening to tear us apart. I was hurting because of the things that you were doing to me, and the things you were NOT, as well. But still, I carried on with my destined-to-fail mission, understanding and being patient. ALWAYS understanding and patient. I figured that you’d come back to be with me when everything returned to “normal.” So I strived to grasp the world as you knew it, understand you, and love you all the more. I thought that if I held on to you so tightly with my love and caring, I could prevent us from growing apart and keep us together. I failed. Miserably.

What’s happened to us? Which Gods did we anger for us to be spited in this manner? Why are we drifting apart?

I miss you, and all the days we spent together…just chilling and being ourselves. Nowadays, I almost never get to see you anymore. And when I do…you’re always with THEM. Laughing with THEM. Hanging out with THEM. Sharing yourself with THEM. And when you’re not with THEM, you spend your time yelling to the heavens of your longing for THEM. And if you’re not with THEM? You’re with HER. Or thinking about HER.

I wonder all the time what is my place in your life now? I always feel that I am but a nuisance in your extremely busy and very social life. Maybe I am. I don’t know. I am growing unsure of everything. I feel like I don’t even know you at all anymore. You’ve changed so much in the course of a few months, and I don’t believe that it’s for the better. For this, I ask for your forgiveness. I want so much to tell you that I am here. And I WILL BE HERE…I WILL BE THE LAST ONE STANDING, when everyone else has left you alone, battered and bruised. I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE HERE FOR YOU AT THE END OF EVERYTHING.

And I just wish you’d realize that, wish that you’d come to think of me as someone who matters and who’s not only a someone that you pass by the corridors from day to day. I wish you’d realize that I love you and care for you. I may even be the only one who genuinely does. I wish you’d come back to me soon. There’s only so much a person can take. There’s a limit to how long I can hold on…to us.

And I tell you this….

I am hanging by a thread.

[ 3 now for ruin ]

You are currently viewing FARAMIR
View ARAGORN?

•••
Layout by NICOLE
LoveyouPATCH!