Entries for June, 2005

June 17th, 2005
heads up
bletz @ 11:48 AM
to A

i love that i can talk to you at any moment and feel as if we've been talking everyday. i love that i can talk to you about anything and everything under the sun...and you actually seem interested in what i have to say. you pay your whole attention to the conversation when we're talking. i love that you're the only one with whom i actually have intelligent conversations with...like i can talk about the most stupid thing in the world and you'd find a way to understand and respond to me. i love the way you taught me that first impressions are just that...impressions. and they can be wrong most of the time. i love the fact that you were even more upset than i was when you learned of my upcoming "trip" to forever. thank you SO much..for everything.

to J

thank you for being my friend...or at least seeming to be one. a very good one. i love that you put up with all my teasing, my cajoling...and every little act of bullying that you've gotten from me. i only wish that you'd realize that i DO care for you...even though it doesn't really show...and people don't understand...that THAT is just the way we treat each other. i hope that even if you don't see my concern for your erm...welfare...you WOULD keep yourself out of trouble...because i DO care if you get into trouble. i care VERY much..because you're a close friend...even though you might not even know. be good, J. Take care. i'm leaving soon and i'm afraid that when i do..there'll be noone else to nag you to be the best that you can be.

to P

i miss you. that's probably the most i'm feeling for you right now. i miss you SO much..you won't believe how much. i miss the totally intelligent, most times pessimistic conversations we had. i miss the bonding sessions we used to have...even those you forgot. i miss our notebook. yes P, our notebook. do you remember? do you even remember me? yes, P. ME. i'm still here. and somehow...you're not. you're never here. you haven't been here for close to two years now. and i miss you. whatever happened to us, P? did i do something wrong? or did we just...drift apart? or were we driven apart? by things...by time...by *ehem* people...by you. i guess i can't put ALL the blame at your door, though. because i DO confess that i did let go. even before you did? and how i regret it, P. i wish i held on to you much longer. i wish that when you pulled away, i pulled you back to me harder...so that the gap that lies between us today wouldn't be here. but i can't change things. maybe there's still hope for us...maybe there's none...i don't know. remember how i said that i'd always be here, waiting for you to come back to me when all those "friendships" have failed? well i AM still here...but..i'm having a REALLY hard time waiting, P. won't you come back? heck, you probably won't even see this thing...

to J

i miss you. remember that one special summer we had? i miss the really really late night talks we had...J. i miss the fact that we could talk about anything and everything and still have much more to talk about the next night. i love your humor. i love how you tell me you miss me..even though you got many new friends who are closer to you now. i miss you too. lighten up on the angst, ok? remember that everything shall pass...be happy, J. and i'm just here...as i always tell you...if you ever feel the need to talk.

to B and J

i miss you guys. you are two of the many people who i've lost almost all contact with. i remember the closeness that we shared in "the days". i miss them. now you don't even tell me shit. everyone else knows about you but me. don't i deserve to know, J? i know...i know...you're probably scared of the judgement i will pass. but...maybe i've changed. hey, people change. *I've* changed. and so did you too. and now...i feel that we're just strangers who call each other endearments in hallways with pecks on cheeks...but nothing more than that. if you asked me if this would happen to us three years ago, i would've said a firm NO. we were the closest...us three. but now, i'm afraid i don't even know you anymore.

to S

we've been classmates many times before, i've lost count. we were friends, yes...but we never really got THAT close. now...something's changing with the two of us. personally...i think we're getting closer now...and i'm glad, really. just wish that this closeness we share continues and grows stronger. maybe this time, it will be different for the both of us...


to T

my namesake. thank you. for teaching me how to laugh. for teaching me how to open my eyes and my mind to what's going on around me. for teaching me that people are different, yes...but maybe we're all just the same inside, really. thank you for opening me to the realities of the world that are both hideous and beautiful...all at the same time.
listening to Living In Your Letters
reading Kissing in Manhattan

[ now for wrath ]

June 23rd, 2005
change change change
bletz @ 12:01 PM
something's changing in me...i can feel it. no, i'm not turning into the hulk (although sometimes, i DO turn into him...IT. whatever.) or batman or whoever. it's just that...now i feel more open to...people...to situations...

i think i feel that i WANT to be more friendly now...this year. i want to get in touch with everyone...want to reconnect with people i've forgotten...make peace with people. which is kinda funny now that you think about it, since i might possibly be leaving at the end of the year and what will all these rebuilt friendships be for? i KNOW. i KNOW> friendships....all relationships in general are never in vain...it's just that i KNOW we'll forget each other once i'm gone. it might not be right away...but in a year, two years...who knows? my aunt who lives in Oz told me that. she said that that's what happened to her as well. of course the friends tried to keep in touch during the first year...and then they just drifted apart...which was TOTALLY unavoidable since without common things between you...what'll hold you together? what'll hold US together?

+++

a friend i met there, Kuya Mark was chatting with me a few weeks back. he told me he was so excited that i was going there already. i think his exact words were..."COME HOME TO US." hmmm....honestly, i've never really thought of Oz as home before. but it's a truth that i got to face one of these days...since...Oz WILL BE my home, eventually. hmmm...somehow that thought isn't really all that reassuring.

listening to One Jump Ahead from Aladdin
reading Kissing in Manhattan

[ now for wrath ]

You are currently viewing FARAMIR
View ARAGORN?

•••
Layout by NICOLE
LoveyouPATCH!