Entries for August, 2005

August 11th, 2005
Tonight i can write the saddest lines
bletz @ 09:50 AM
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

by Pablo Neruda
listening to Tonight i can write the saddest lines

[ now for wrath ]

August 16th, 2005
probably the worst day in my life.
bletz @ 12:50 PM
I am having the worst day in my whole entire life.

So many misfortunes all happening in one day. I wonder if maybe God's telling me something. It was funny the first five times...but now that it's the tenth unlucky situation of the day? i'm just about ready to hang myself, or anyone else, or anything for that matter.

1) ALL my groupmates forgot to bring their costumes.
2) we didn't have a vcd.
3) we didn't have a vcd player.
4) we ran out of black craypas for the backdrop. AGAIN.
5) the batteries of my video cam ran out.

NOW

6) my video cam isn't charging.
7) my scientific calculator is NOT showing itself. it's lost. lost. lost.
8) i dropped my gtec. now it's broken.
9) i can't get through to any of my friends. i really really really need
someone to talk to.

i am going to snap. or maybe i have. i'm sobbing over a frigging calculator that can't be found, for chrissakes. if this day were to repeat itself over and over again, i'd kill myself. IN A HEARTBEAT.



[ now for wrath ]

August 19th, 2005

bletz @ 03:43 PM
"Now you know how i feel towards her.


Wave? Smile? Say hi? or...irapan mo?


Murahin mo sabay sabi 'Hayop ka, pagkatapos ng 3 taon



ngayon ka lang magpaparamdam.' "

[ now for wrath ]

August 29th, 2005
maybe just me
bletz @ 03:42 AM
there's so much i want to say. so much i want to tell you.
but i can't. i'm afraid....of you...of the things that could happen if i DO tell you how i feel. i'm afraid of what you'll think of me afterwards.

i miss you and i just can't tell you. everytime i see that you're here...my finger just itches to click on your name and tell you how i really feel...be done with it. but then, sanity returns in that same minute and i'm back to keeping my thoughts with me, guarded..under lock and key.

i miss you. that's all. i can't say i don't feel anything more for you. i just miss the closeness we shared not so long ago. we used to be able to talk about anything and most everything. now we can't even get past the hi's and the hello's and the how are you's...we were friends once. weren't we? or maybe it's just me.

I hate you. I hate the way you make me so unsure of myself everytime i get around to thinking about you. I hate the way i supress my feelings whenever you're around, no matter how platonic they are. yes. THEY ARE PLATONIC. They have been for some time now. I didn't think i could do it...but i did.

in the event of a miracle that you get around to reading this...i bet you wouldn't even talk to me about this. you're a freakin coward. and so am i. gawd. we are absolutely hopeless. i feel for the loss of the friendship we shared..or maybe it was really just me.
listening to Alanis Morissette

[ now for wrath ]

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